


history is all we are

by magichour



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, One-Sided Love, Oneshot, Pining, Romance, Unrequited Love, best friends au, childhood best friends, fluff if you squint, i’m so sorry lol, side yeonbin, very cliche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24935647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magichour/pseuds/magichour
Summary: a collection of all the times beomgyu rejects taehyun.and one time he realizes his mistake.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 33
Kudos: 127





	history is all we are

**Author's Note:**

> hellooo!!! my long waited taegyu au is finally here hahaha 
> 
> if you’re new to me, hellooo i’m arden and i like writing angst. and if you’re here from my other aus, welcome back and thank you for supporting my aus. i appreciate you all :) 
> 
> i have had this idea in my mind for a while but it never turned out right, so i actually rewrote more than 70% of this last night and spent the whole day editing and reading it through. 
> 
> also i am a beomjun writerrrr but i am an angst writer and i wanted to write an angst one shot but beomjun just didn’t fit my plot so taegyuists i’m sorry but y’all were just my target since y’all love angst so much hehehe
> 
> while we’re at it, please support my other au “i know it hurts (cause i feel it too)” if you are a beomjun shipper!!! 
> 
> i really do hope you guys enjoy this angsty taegyu one shot and please support my other au moas!!!
> 
> let me know your thoughts in the comments below. 
> 
> also, super sorry if there are some errors!! this is not beta’d yet. i proofread it only once but i know i could have missed some errors and it quite a bit to go over since it is 19k but if you come across some errors, i’m so sorry! i’ll be editing it soon. 
> 
> also, i just made a twt to interact w readers and just to join stan twt so pls feel free to follow 🥺 @/magichhour
> 
> have fun while reading and get ready to grab your tissues :)

beomgyu-6   
taehyun-5 

1.

(2007)

beomgyu’s lonely.

all the big kids in his neighborhood liked playing basketball and riding their skateboards, but his eomma said they were too dangerous for him to play with. nobody in his neighborhood was around his age. they were either in middle school or on their way to highschool, leaving him to be the only kindergartner with no play dates. which is why he took comfort in the company of _ryan_ , his own plush toy in which he was ever so attached to.

he was sat in the sandbox, furtively glancing at ryan every once in a while in hopes that the stuffed toy will communicate back with him, but all he could do is pout his lips because the lion was useless in helping him build his sandcastle. all he was good for was cuddles.

“ryan! you need to help meee,” he pouts, furrowing his eyebrows so that they are diagonal lines while he crosses his arms, pushing his lips out further into a deeper pout when he realizes the stuffed toy will not be moving to help him anytime soon.

“honey, ryan’s a toy you silly boy. he can’t help you. here, do you want eomma to help?” his mom, who was sat next to one of her friends halts her conversation to a stop to pay attention to her very upset, pouting son.

beomgyu juts his lips out further and squirms in stubbornness around the sand, “no, eomma! i want a friend.” his voice breaks, his starry eyes turning into puppy dogs ones as he tries to conceal his tears. the big boys told him that only babies cry, and babies couldn’t play with them.

beomgyu wanted to prove to them that he was a big boy.

“nobody here wants to be my friend.”

“oh, honey... that’s not true. they’re just much older than you which makes it difficult because they want to play different things.” the lady besides beomgyu’s mom softly says, in attempts to comfort the nearly crying boy.

“they’re all meanies!” he grits his teeth in frustration, reaching for ryan to give him comfort. the poor toy was covered in sand due to his numerous attempts of trying to build a sand castle but miserably failing because no one was there to help him.

“honey, it’s okay...” his mom reaches for him, and only then does beomgyu give in and crawl into her lap, crying profusely. he no longer cared that the neighborhood kids were probably looking at him crying in his mom’s lap.

maybe he wasn’t a big boy yet.

he was sad.

he had no friends.

“here, how about me and auntie will go inside for a few minutes and get you some ice cream and snacks, huh? how does that sound? does that sound okay to you?” she brightly smiles at her crying son, and the boy is already smiling at the thought of ice cream and snacks. it wasn’t very hard to please the boy.

“yes, please...” he coyly replies, head still tucked into her chest from crying. “i promise i’ll brush my teeth extra hard tonight.” he offers, immediately lighting up his mother’s face.

“good boy,” she brushes his hair back, setting him back into the sandbox with ryan. “now, why don’t you play with ryan some more while i head into the house to grab the snacks. if you need something ask the aunties over there, okay?” she points to the elderly women that beomgyu has a strong dislike towards.

“okay, eomma.” he smiles as there are still tears running down his face.

beomgyu was growing frustrated.

there was sand in-between his toes, sand in his hair, a little sand in his mouth, and sand even on ryan. with all the sand in places they shouldn’t even be in, he has not even created a sandcastle with all thehard work and effort he put into it. not even remotely close. all he’s achieved is a blob of wet sand in front of him, looking anything but a sand castle.

he swears he could cry out of frustration.

he sighs, looking up as he watches the grown boys in front of him. they were dripping sweat from the foreheads and their clothes were sticking to their skin from how hard they were playing. basketball was a very competitive sport. everyday he watches the boys play while he sits in his sandbox with ryan, and later that day he would copy their moves in his background while no one was watching. the grown boys rammed into each other, shot from far distances, and moved like the speed of lights, which only made beomgyu wish more that they would let him play. but they always told him that he was too young.

he turned his head to the other side of the street as he watched the big boys on their skateboard. he was able to play with them once, but beomgyu pushed too hard with one foot, causing him to fall and scrape his knee, breaking out in a loud cry. one of the big boys got blamed by all the mothers for letting a child on the skateboard and they’ve never let him play with them since. so for now, all he could do was watch them stroll down the street and do cool tricks.

upset at the fact that he couldn’t be able to play with them, he pouts down at his icky sandcastle and looks at ryan, who seems to be giving him a look of disapproval.

as he’s about to give up and head into the house where his eomma is getting him snacks, he sees two of the older boys walking his direction. he starts growing nervous.

_do the big boys finally want to play with him?_

“hey, kid.” one of the boys say as he carries his skateboard to beomgyu’s sandbox. the other kid is smirking and beomgyu is suddenly smiling brightly because they are indeed talking to him.

“h-hi...” he stutters, squeezing ryan extra tight, knowing it might inflict him a lot of pain but he will have to apologize later before bedtime because he really badly needed something to squeeze on.

“watcha building?” one of the kids ask uninterested, pushing ryan’s faced down into the sand to make some more space for himself on the sandbox, and beomgyu immediately grabs ryan before they can do something horrible to him.

“u-uh... a sandcastle...” he trembles slightly at the presence of the older boys. “d-do you want to h-help me build my s-sandcastle?” he stutters over his words, hoping these two new boys could be his friend.

“yeah, sure. why not, kid?” the other boy then says, taking a seat next to him and feigns excitement for beomgyu.

“here you guys can use these! and we could mix a little water in it to make it stand tall!” he hands them the bucket and a bit of water his eomma put at the side for him to mold a sandcastle.

the two boys look at each other and roll their eyes, but beomgyu is unsure of why they exchanged such a look. he was too busy celebrating the fact that two of the older boys have finally wanted to be his friend. after months of trying, he finally had friend.

“you guys are so cool! i see you guys play everyday. i practice in my backyard sometimes too,” he explains excitedly but ends his sentence in a coy tone. the boys exchange weird glances once again but beomgyu is too focused on building the sandcastle to even notice.

“umm... cool...” one of the boys—whom beomgyu still doesn’t know the name of— says in a very uninterested tone.

when beomgyu realizes his mistake for the past hour, his sandcastle is finally starting to look like a castle. with the help of his new friends, his castle is finally forming into what he has been looking for the whole time, and not some big blob.

when beomgyu starts rounding the edges of the castle, he looks in front of him to see the boys snickering and whispering to each other, looking as if they were getting up to get ready to leave. beomgyu assumes they’re telling each other jokes because they kept laughing in secret to each other.

“beomgyu, wanna see something cool?” the boy smirks at beomgyu and his eyes light up.

“yes!” he balls his fists and shakes them in excitement.

“look!” the boy shouts before his fists collides with the sand castle that beomgyu worked very hard with.

his sand castle was now crumbled into pieces. his vision is blurry with tears as he tries to comprehend the boy’s fist colliding with his perfectly sculpted sandcastle, watching as the sand falls on top of ryan, making him dirty.

“no! no, you ruined it!” he cries, trying to revive it with the bucket and water, but all that does is make it even worse. “you guys are bullies!” he cries, looking at the sand in his hands.

the boys grab their skateboards and make a run for it.

“beomgyu, sweetie! what happened?” he hears his mom rush towards him, with another lady and a small boy by her side.

“eomma, those boys ruined my sandcastle!” he cries once again for the second time in her chest that day. he spots the ice cream and snacks in the other lady’s hand but not even that could seem to brighten his day anymore.

“oh, baby... i’m so sorry...” she squeezes him tighter, and the young boy buries his face deeper into his mother’s chest, afraid to leave the comfort of it.

“baby, look. eomma has a surprise for you...” she softly says, and beomgyu hesitantly lifts his head from his mom’s chest because his mother knew how much the little boy loved surprises.

“s-surprise?” he repeats after her, and his mother shakes her head in agreement.

“look... when eomma was getting you snacks, i met this very kind lady next door who just moved in. say hi to our new neighbor!” his mother explains excitedly, but he has no idea how this is supposed to benefit him.

“uh... hello, n-new neighbor...” he quietly says, un-peaking his head from his mother’s chest.

“and looky here... she has a son, who’s one year younger than you. you have a new friend, gyu. ” she tries to brighten the atmosphere, and beomgyu wipes his cheeks dry and elongates his neck to get a better look at him.

he sees a small little figure hiding behind the lady’s leg, peeking his head out every once in a while. he looks extremely shy and has the most cutest pair of the most big and beautiful eyes he’s ever seen.

he can’t believe it.

a boy close to his age is finally living in their neighborhood! he no longer has to rely on ryan to entertain him in the sandbox. he tries to contain his excitement to avoid scaring off the smaller boy, who already looked extremely coy.

“son, why don’t you go into the sandbox with beomgyu to help him rebuild the sandcastle that those discourteous boys destroyed. maybe you can help? look at him, he looks sad. do you want him to be sad?” his mother bends down to his level and puts her hand on either side of his shoulders.

the boy keeps his head glued to his shoes, but shakes his head no at the question.

“okay, then why don’t you go help hyung? me and beomgyu’s mom will do a little chatting.” she gently carries the small boy into the sandbox with beomgyu and beomgyu is already enamored by the little boy.

it’s only a one year difference but he can’t help but boast about how he was older than him. he’s never been older than any of the kids in this neighborhood.

“hi... my name is beomgyu and i’m six years old. what’s your name?” he asks, giving taehyun a shovel but all he does is keep his eyes glued to it.

beomgyu blinks his eyes a few more times as he holds eye contact with the boy, but the boy seems too coy to respond.

“hm... it’s okay, i get shy too when i talk to the older boys. they destroyed my sandcastle earlier which is why i cried. but usually, i don’t cry. i’m a big boy,” he scrunches his nose as he smiles, adding more water to the sand as he emulates the older boy’s actions earlier when he was helping make the sandcastle.

beomgyu looks at the boy once again, hoping for at least one word, but all he does is play with the sand in his hands and it seems as if he’s holding back a smile.

“really? not just one word?” he pouts, crossing his arm.

the boy just returns him with a blink.

“hm, that’s okay. i wont force you. but i’m so glad you moved here! i have no friends and none of the boys here want to play with me, they’re all meanies. but i’m hoping you can be my play date, and we can have sleepovers, and play video games, and be best friends.”

beomgyu looks up and sees the corner of the boy’s lips finally curving.

“my name is taehyun...” he quietly says, and beomgyu wants to coo at how cute the younger boy’s voice sounds. “and you talk a lot, hyung.”

beomgyu giggles. “well, taehyun-ah... you don’t talk enough. but that’s okay. you can just help me build my sandcastle since ryan can’t.”

taehyun knits his eyebrows together in confusion. “who’s ryan? i thought hyung said he doesn’t have any other friends?” taehyun questions, tapping his chin with his tiny pointer finger to emphasize that he’s thinking.

“oh, ryan is my stuffy toy! look!” he holds the orange plushy towards the smaller boy’s direction and taehyun’s eyes go wide as his mouth falls into the shape of an o.

that was the biggest reaction beomgyu has gotten out of him yet.

“oh my, hyung! he’s so cute! i have a plushy too in my house. next time you should come over so i can show you!” he exclaims, and beomgyu is shocked at the amount of personality this kid was able to hold. just a few minutes ago he refused to tell the boy his name and now he’s inviting him into his house.

“woaahhh... look at your big eyesss. they’re huge! how cute!” beomgyu mentions in an amazed tone, squirming at how cute the boy’s eyes were, cupping his chubby cheeks.

taehyun hangs his head low at the compliment, obviously shy like any other kid would be.

“but, i agree taehyunnie. maybe we can ask our moms and you can show me your plushies and we can have a sleepover. i think you’re going to be my best friend,” beomgyu smiles, hardly seeing as his eyes disappear into thin mines from happiness.

taehyun’s doe eyes grow brighter and his smile grows bigger at beomgyu’s suggestion. “you’re going to be my best friend too, hyung.”

“yay, we’ll have sleepovers and everything. i’m so excited!” beomgyu grabs a fistful of sand and throws it in the air to emulate confetti, but all that ever does is get into both of their eyes and mouths.

“i like you, hyung.” taehyun shyly says and beomgyu errupts into fits of giggles.

“no you don’t, silly! you don’t even know me yet. but when you do, i’m sure you will like me, taehyunnie. i’m just so sure of it!”

* * *

beomgyu-11   
taehyun-10 

2.

(2012)

taehyun wasn’t very happy.

beomgyu was moving to junior high, leaving taehyun to be stuck in the elementary level and he was very much attached to his hyung to know that he’d be in a different part of the school. it was unfair.

they were always a year apart in terms of grade, though that hardly affected them until beomgyu promoted from primary school. meaning, he’d be on the opposite part of the building, leaving taehyun all alone. they’d no longer be able to have lunch together, see each other during break time, smack each other’s bums in the hallway, or see each other in general, and taehyun was having a very hard time trying to comprehend that.

beomgyu was on the bed tuning his guitar when taehyun leans his head on beomgyu’s shoulder. “hyungggg, why are you leaving me?” he fake cries into the older boy’s shoulder.

“are you kidding, you idiot. i’m just in the other building. we’ll still go to school and bus back home together. you’re so dramatic. you’re like a puppy with separation anxiety,” beomgyu chuckles, slightly burying his nose into the crown of taehyun’s head. “you can’t live without me, taehyunnie. i’m so sure of it.” he teases, but taehyun’s heart drops awfully low because his sentence held so much truth.

“can you shut up, hyung? now help me on my homework cause this long division stuff is really making my hair fall out,” he begs, wrapping his arm around beomgyu’s arm when the older boy is so desperately trying to play guitar.

“wow, taehyunnie you’re so clingy. remember when i first met you? you were like, what? five, maybe? and you were so quiet and couldn’t even look at me and now you can’t even give me a centimeter of space? how cute. five years makes such a difference.” beomgyu teasingly says to taehyun, whose cheeks then burn a very bright color of crimson red. he hates being called out on being affectionate because that was something he lacked in, especially with his mother and family but with beomgyu it was just so easy.

“hyunnngggg.... stopppp!” he buries his head into his pillow and screams internally into the comfiness of it because his best friend just embarrassed the crap out of him and he had no other option but to scream in it.

when he lifts his head from the pillow, he sees his mom standing in the doorway with her arms crossed, looking at him in a very worried manner and beomgyu is just looking down and smirking at him. “uh, taehyun... honey? you okay there, bud?” she nervously smiles and taehyun jolts up from his position and straightens his clothes to act like nothing happened.

“um, yeah... fine. just screaming about school stuff, y’know...” he attempts to cover up the reason which has seemed to work because his mom nods his head and avoids asking any further questions.

“beomgyu, please straighten up your best friend. i’m worried,” she facetiously says, and taehyun is a little offended that his own mother referred to him as “beomgyu’s best friend,” instead of referring to him as her own son.

she looks at beomgyu who then shakes his head and laughs, “i know, tell me about it...fifth graders...” he smirks, shaking his head as he packs his guitar in its case.

“alright, well are you boys ready? cause if you are grab your stuff. i’m gonna drive you two to your lessons today and maybe we can go out and have something to eat after...” she announces, grabbing her keys as beomgyu slings his guitar case over his back and taehyun tugs his hoodie over his head.

“alright, we’ll be in the garage in a few!” beomgyu answers for taehyun as they rush downstairs.

just a little over two years ago, beomgyu and taehyun’s mother thought it would be a great idea to enroll the two in lessons. one of the first things that the boys bonded over was music. it turns out that both of the boys had a growing passion for making music so what better idea to do than enroll both of them into lessons, the mothers thought. so that’s how beomgyu began guitar lessons and taehyun began vocal lessons. every other week they would alternate and go to each other’s house for carpool, and this week landed on taehyun’s house.

taehyun and beomgyu would always play music together ever since getting lessons. now... they were only ten and eleven year olds so they weren’t at any expertise level whatsoever, but they did in facthold strong talent towards passion. it took a couple of months for taehyun to sing confidently in front of his best friend, but once the moment happened, it didn’t stop from there. beomgyu on the other hand was amazing at the guitar, singing, and a bit of the drums. taehyun swears his best friend is good at everything he tries.

now taehyun didn’t know anything about intimacy, because what in the world would a ten year old fifth grader know about intimacy? but he does believe that the passion they share between music is very intimate between them, and it is an important factor in their friendship.

music was _their_ thing.

so to say he was a little upset at the fact that beomgyu has been getting a little cozy with the new student was an understatement. unlike taehyun, dohyeon was a new student in the guitar department, and although they take private lessons, the boy has still somehow found his way to taehyun’s beomgyu-hyung. being in the vocal department already gave taehyun less time with his hyung, and this dohyeon guy has been sweeping most of beomgyu’s time away from taehyun. in fact, they had a lot to talk about being in the guitar department, but taehyun wasn’t happy with it. he was just the teeniest bit selfish about his beomgyu-hyung.

“taehyunnie? uh, why are you glaring at the tree? do you want to fight it or something?” beomgyu snaps him out of his thought as they are at a stoplight. taehyun’s mother who is driving, attempts to suppress a little laugh that is so desperately trying to peep out due to beomgyu’s comment. “you’ve been doing it at every item outside of the widow for like the past ten minutes.”

taehyun really must have been fantasizing about pushing dohyeon down the stairs for way too long because he hasn’t even realized that it has been ten minutes already, meaning there were only five minutes left of their car ride until they are dropped off.

“o-oh... nothing i just thought about something that made me angry. i didn’t even get to finish homework before my lesson so i have to do it right away when i get home,” he attempts to excuse that as his reason.

he’s gotten much better at lying.

“ah... don’t worry, taehyun. hyung will help you. i’m sure eomma wouldn’t mind me staying over for a bit to help you with your long division stuff. i’m a pro at that,” he winks at the younger boy and taehyun rolls his eyes at the action.

taehyun then spends the last remaining five minutes of the car ride trying not to wear a smug look on his face so beomgyu wont have to point it out. once he finds himself unconsciously slipping back into the glum glare he’s been giving the window, he immediately relaxes his face.

the car comes to a stop, and his mother pulls up at the parking lot.

“alright boys, we’re here. grab your things and don’t leave anything behind. and beomgyu, honey. i talked to your mother and asked her if you could stay over for dinner so you’ll be eating with us tonight.” taehyun’s mom smiles are the boy who then returns a cheeky smile back.

“oh, thanks mama kang. i’ll see ya later.” he leans over the front seat to give her a peck on the cheek.

“bye mom, see you in an hour.” taehyun leans over the front seat to peck his mom on the cheek as well.

“have fun boys!” she waves goodbye to them before speeding off.

“hyung, do you have—“ taehyun turns around to talk to beomgyu, but there was one problem, that being beomgyu’s was no longer by his side.

beomgyu has already rushed inside the building, and through the window, taehyun could see beomgyu running towards dohyeon’s direction. the boy wore a grin on his perfectly sculpted face and he carried his guitar on his back. no one has ever made beomgyu smile that big ever since taehyun, and taehyun feels quite replaced to be honest.

pushing the door a bit aggressively, he enters the waiting room and sits next to beomgyu who is sitting next to none other than dohyeon.

“oh, hey jaehyun...” dohyeon says, and taehyun talks a deep inhale and bites his tongue the hardest he can to not retaliate with a snarky remark.

“oh, hi. it’s actually taehyun.” he tries to say calmly, feigning a smile.

“oh, sorry i forget names a lot and i hardly see you around. maybe were in different departments? what are you in?” he questions the boy who grows impatiently irritated.

a ten year old shouldn’t be under this much stress.

“taehyunnie’s in the vocal department. his voice is amazing! my god, he was born to sing.” beomgyu speaks for him and all of a sudden taehyun is not as upset with beomgyu as he was earlier.

“woah, that’s cool...” the boy says, intrigued. taehyun isn’t sure if the boy is just saying that to seem interested or if he actually thought it was cool but either way taehyun still didn’t like him and he was set on his impression of this kid.

“anyways, maybe you should ask your mom, beomgyu. it’ll be so much fun!” dohyeon’s voice raises an octave or two out of the excitement and taehyun tries to ignore the fact that the two are having their own conversation in front of him, excluding him from their talk.

“yeah, i’ll ask my mom this saturday if we could go out! just the two of us, how fun would that be?” beomgyu gets all giddy at the mention of whatever saturday was.

but taehyun’s heart stung just a little.

saturday’s were their movie nights. they hardly miss their movie nights unless it’s an emergency.

beomgyu never missed movie nights.

✶

once the pair got picked up by taehyun’s mother, everything was quiet.

the drive home was quiet, dinner was quiet, beomgyu teaching taehyun long division was quiet, and sitting in taehyun’s room was extremely quiet.

the car ride was awfully painfully silent. taehyun didn’t speak much but beomgyu didn’t think too much of it. dinner was awkward. taehyun’s mom attempted to ask questions to keep the conversation going but the boy just responded with hums or either one word answers. beomgyu just assumed he was tired from vocal practice because he always seems to get cranky after lessons. beomgyu tutoring taehyun was just painfully excruciating. the younger boy hardly ever said a thing and only replied with yes or no. beomgyu starts to think he’s done something wrong to the boy because he was definitely on the silent treatment. so when taehyun finishes his homework, and as they wait for beomgyu’s mom to reach home so that beomgyu could return to his house, usually taehyun would offer to watch tv or talk to entertain the bland atmosphere, but this time he didn’t. this time he just lied on his bed and flipped through the pages of a book he’s already read, ignoring beomgyu.

“hyunnie, is something wrong?” beomgyu quietly breaks the silence, and taehyun keeps his eyes glued on the book.

“no.” he dryly says.

“c’mon, i know that something’s wrong. i’m not dumb.” beomgyu crawls into the bed so that he is now next to taehyun.

taehyun sometimes hates how his best friend knows him so well. he can never get away with anything because his beomgyu-hyung knows every single detail about him and knows him like the back of his hand. it’s not fair.

“where are you going with dohyeon next week?” taehyun nonchalantly asks, dropping his book on his chest and beomgyu seems taken aback by the question.

“oh, we were planning on going to the arcade on saturday and have a sleepover and order some pizza while we watch movies and all. isn’t he so sweet? but why do you ask?”

taehyun’s eyes drop.

“and you don’t see a problem with the schedule there or anything?” taehyun tries to test him first, but beomgyu looks at him befuddled, thinking his addled brain is playing tricks on him for not knowing.

“no?” he trails off.

“oh, cause saturday nights are our movie nights, hyung... but have fun instead.” he carelessly shrugs, returning to reading his book that he isn’t even actually reading.

“oh shoot!” beomgyu’s groans, throwing his head back in disappointment before slapping his forehead. “tae! i forgot! i could cancel if you want, oh my god i didn’t even think about that.”

taehyun shakes his head.

“no. i don’t want you to cancel. the fact that you forgot is what upsets me, but it’s okay we’ll just do it next week. i don’t really mind anyways.” taehyun tells the biggest lie of the century. he does mind. in fact, he minds a whole lot.

“why are you so upset, taehyun? we could still hang out. i can have other friends than you.” beomgyu sneers back with a bit of attitude, but taehyun doesn’t pay much heed to it.

“i know, hyung. but you’re my best friend. and i like you. i really like you, i don’t think you understand.” taehyun gnaws on his bottom lip and he immediately regrets saying what he says when beomgyu tilts his head in confusion.

_he doesn’t know what he’s saying, right? he’s a ten year old in fifth grade currently going through puberty, meaning he’s figuring things out about himself._

he doesn’t even know if he likes boys.

he was spewing nonsense.

“oh, taehyun. i like you too. you’re my best friend but you don’t have to feel excluded or anything like that. you’re always my first choice and favorite best friend. you’re like a brother.” he leans in to hug taehyun, pecking the top of his head.

“no, hyung. like, i think i like you? um... i don’t know, i don’t know what i’m saying actually. maybe i do? i’m not sure, it’s so confusing.” taehyun feels the blood rushing to his cheeks again and he feels as if he’s stuck his whole head in the oven because his whole face was on fire.

beomgyu squints at him to try to understand where he’s getting at, and his eyes go wide once he realizes what taehyun is trying to tell him.

“oh.... oh... you mean.....that.” beomgyu finally understands, and taehyun immediately knows what he means by saying “that.”

taehyun slowly nods his head.

“taehyunnie, you don’t know what you’re saying! i mean i have so much love for you in my heart too, that’s probably what you’re feeling. and this age is suppeerrr confusing for us, y’know with puberty and all, so...” beomgyu nervously scratches his head and taehyun begins to think his hyung is right.

_what would he know about liking someone?_

“you’re probably just not sure yet, because trust me sometimes i think that about myself too, but i’m not sure. so give it a couple of more years and if you still feel the same, let hyung know, we’ll get married or something,” he cheekily smiles and taehyun chokes on air. he ends up actually coughing up on whatever he choked on, gasping for air and beomgyu begins bursting in laughter.

“taehyun! i was joking, geez.” beomgyu pats taehyun’s back to help him recover.

but taehyun wishes beomgyu’s wasn’t joking.

later that week, taehyun spends his saturday night alone, cuddled up in his blankets as he watches a movie by himself while hugging ryan to his chest because it reminded him so much of beomgyu.

* * *

beomgyu-14  
taehyun-13

3.

(2015)

taehyun was losing it.

the last time he was this sad was three years ago when his hyung left him to be in the other building by himself while he had classes at the opposite building. that grief lasted only for a couple of months until taehyun moved up to sixth grade and beomgyu to seventh, leaving them in the same building at last.

but now beomgyu was moving to a completely different school, four streets away meaning taehyun wouldn’t even get to see his hyung during break. they wouldn’t even be able to enter school together because his hyung was a high school student now.

and taehyun was still in stupid grade school.

the two were currently in beomgyu’s bedroom, and taehyun was cuddled up in the older boy’s bed the night before their first day of school, crying into his hyung’s chest as if it were the end of the world.

“hey, shhh... you big baby. we’ll still be able to take the bus together, but i get off four stops before you. but the great news is that i’ll be able to pick you up every day after school so we could always go out and eat street food or visit arcades on friday’s if that’s what you want.” the teenager consoles his best friend who was currently using his chest as a pillow. “you’re acting like i’m moving across the country when really i’m moving schools four streets down.”

“i know, hyung. but it’s not just that. i don’t even have much friends there, except you. and you know that.you know how mean the people in my class can be. they were scared of you, hyung. who the hell is going to protect me now?” he sobs in his chest, and beomgyu’s heart hurts at seeing his best friend filled with so much melancholy.

beomgyu knew how much of a hard time taehyun was having in school. ever since he moved to junior high, things began changing. people started finding themselves out, people began growing arrogant to one another, and middle school was the perfect age for drama. not many of taehyun’s schoolmates liked him, reason being he was always first in his class, and was also an exceptional student in the music department.

and as he kept succeeding, people kept trying to bring him down.

they always gave him a hard time.

there were nights when taehyun would come home early, crying to his mom without beomgyu’s knowledge. beomgyu would have to find out after school when taehyun wasn’t waiting for him near the bus stop. he’d rush straight to taehyun’s house and hold him in his arms until his cries come to a halt. there were days were people would purposefully try to rig the tests in order for taehyun to be bumped down a spot, causing taehyun anxiety which only beomgyu knew how to handle. there were days when taehyun would just stay home from school, not being able to endure the bad treatment from his classmates any longer, and beomgyu could only do so much.

how was he going to protect taehyun?

“i know, hyunnie. it breaks my heart knowing i can’t protect you but i know you’ll last the year, because you’re so strong, remember? y’know... fuck all those people who always try to tear you down. they’re just upset that you’re succeeding more than them, and it hurts them to see you so successful. they’re jealous. but i’m proud of you for working so hard. and next year, we’ll be able to to go school together, so you’ll have that to look forward to, right?” beomgyu swipes taehyun’s hair on his forehead so that he can press a kiss on it, and he ignores the way his chest is practically wet at the tears seeping through the thin fabric.

beomgyu hates the way his chest feels heavy at watching his best friend cry. it was very unfortunate he just had to be born a year before the boy, because he’d do everything in his will to protect taehyun forever. it pains him knowing the boy would have a hard time at school without him.

it wasn’t fair.

caressing taehyun’s hair, beomgyu softly speaks to the boy to comfort him, “tae, i’m sorry, okay? hyung is really sorry.i wish i could do something about it. i really do.” he whispers, feeling taehyun’s fingers wrap around the side of his waist. “but i want you to get a good sleep. so how bout in a few, i’ll drop you off next door back to your house, and you get as much as sleep as you can. in the morning i’ll pick you up and we’ll take the bus together until i get off my stop. but don’t worry, hyung will pick you up after school. maybe we can even go out to eat. and you let hyung know if people are bothering you, okay?” he softly speaks as he entangles his fingers in the roots of taehyun’s hair. taehyun grows anxious at the idea of having to attend his last year of middle school alone without his hyung, but it was inevitable.

sniffling, taehyun gently untucks his head from the valley of beomgyu’s neck and shoulder, looking up at his hyung with the most loving eyes.

beomgyu’s heart breaks at the amount of tears on his best friend’s face. it truly wasn’t fair how someone so enamoring and so deserving of love was feeling so much hurt deep down.

“o-okay, hyung...” the younger boy sniffles once again, attempting to rid the tears streaming down his flushed cheeks. “i’m sorry... i know you going to high school is not supposed to be a big deal but i guess i’m just afraid of you not being by my side when those people try to pick on me.”

beomgyu sits up as taehyun follows, so that they are both sitting cross crossed, facing each other. beomgyu looks taehyun deeply in the eyes, as if he’s trying to communicate with them. he memorizes every twinkle and glimmer in the boy’s eyes, reading each constellation hidden in his brown orbs.

“hey, hey... listen to me, taehyun,” beomgyu eyes him sternly. “i will always be by your side, you hear me? all the time. i promise. you don’t have to be afraid. and i know those kids at your school can be absolute jerks and i wont be there physically, but i will always be with you. and i know we’re so young, like what kind of fourteen year old knows anything about forever? but i promise you i’ll be with you forever taehyunnie. you’re like my brother.” he presses his lips against taehyun’s forehead to comfort him the way an older sibling would.

“c’mon, i’ll bring you home and i’ll pick you up in the morning.”

✶

and so beomgyu does pick up taehyun in the morning.

and every morning after that.

it’s been almost three weeks of taehyun being in his school without his beomgyu-hyung and the first week was dreadful. he had to be lonely for four more bus stops to get off of his destination, and on top of that, he would be lonely on campus.

by the second week, he had slowly gotten the hang of it. it was a routine for beomgyu to pick him up at his house, and ride the bus with taehyun. on fridays, beomgyu would always treat taehyun out to a cafe or they would spend their nights at an arcade.

the treatment at school for taehyun hasn’t gotten any better, leaving beomgyu to grow very anxious. taehyun’s classmates would see beomgyu pick him up every day so they would withhold on any of the bickering or teasing, but when beomgyu wasn’t around, the kids would give taehyun a hard time tremendously. many kids would demand the homework answers, would make taehyun do their homework, would try to knock him off first in the class, and it was totally draining for the younger boy. things were much harder when his beomgyu-hyung wasn’t there to defend him.

but he always looked forward to the end of the day when his best friend would always pick him up.

but on the first day of the third week, things were a little different.

beomgyu had company.

as beomgyu got off his stop, a very beautiful young girl with long brown hair and glimmeringtwinkling eyes stood beside him as they hopped off the bus to meet taehyun.

taehyun is confused to say the least.

beomgyu smiles at taehyun and walks towards his direction, “how was school, hyunnie?” the older boy ruffles taehyun’s hair as the girl (who he had not yet introduced) is just standing close to him awkwardly rocking on her heels and toes.

“the same as always...” he sighs at the recollection of his rough morning with the students giving him a hard time.

“oh, i’m sorry...” beomgyu presses his lips together in sorrow.

it isn’t until they hear a throat being cleared, does beomgyu remember that he has brought company with him this time. she is eyeing taehyun deeply, and the boy can’t help but grow nervous at her intimidating stare.

“by the way, this is my friend areum.” the boy introduces the beautiful girl, who very kindly gives taehyun a sweet smile. “her little sister is a year below you so i thought it’d be cool if we bussed here together to fetch you two. that’s fine with you, right?” he raises his eyebrows and taehyun swallows deeply.

“oh, uh... yeah. that’s fine.” he replies monotonously, because he’s still having a battle with his mind to decide if it’s really fine or not. “it’s so nice to meet you.” he smiles at her, cheeks rising revealing his deep dimples that beomgyu very much so loved.

“you’re adorable...” she squirms, introducing herself and taehyun is immediately flattered, though also wants to angrily glare at her.

he is a thirteen year old eighth grader, he is not supposed to be adorable anymore.

“ah, thank you noona,” he blushes, bowing his head at her compliment and he can’t quite decide if he was fond of her or not. it was difficult to tell.

“alright, well i’m gonna fetch my little sister and take the opposite bus since we both live on the opposite side of town. i’ll see you tomorrow, taehyun-ssi. your hyung and i will come get you tomorrow.” she bids her goodbyes as fast as her introduction.

“o-okay... i’ll see you tomorrow,” he says back, turning to beomgyu hoping that he’d say something as well, but he can’t help but notice the hearts on beomgyu’s pupils as he’s looking at areum.

right on time, beomgyu and taehyun’s bus pull up meaning it was their queue to leave. beomgyu very quickly said his goodbyes to his classmate before hopping in the bus with taehyun.

as usual, the older boy gave taehyun the window seat, but he paid close attention to the way beomgyu elongated his neck to look at the window, attempting to get one last glimpse of areum.

taehyun felt uneasy.

“hopefully i’ll get to see her more.” beomgyu tells taehyun.

✶

taehyun then later learns that his hyung is extremely well-known in his high school. to taehyun it seemed like a big accomplishment. school has only been on for three weeks and to top it off, beomgyu was a freshman. and from what taehyun has heard from beomgyu’s three weeks of high school life, people didn’t really like freshmen.

but they liked beomgyu.

he listens to stories beomgyu tells him as they’re sitting down on beomgyu’s bed, and taehyun listens to the older boy tell a story about one of his classmates getting detention for using his phone during one of his classes. the younger boy is listening with wide eyes and his mouth hung open.

anything coming out of his hyung’s mouth is always so interesting to him. beomgyu could be reading a grocery list, and the younger boy would still listen.

as the older boy finishes his stories, he pulls out his guitar from his case and grins widely at taehyun. taehyun knows that as a signal.

once beomgyu pulls out his guitar, that means he’ll play a song that taehyun has to sing to. it was just their thing.

but recently, they haven’t been doing that.

beomgyu was more focused on his own music now.

taehyun had just found out that beomgyu was now in a band in his high school and played electric guitar. taehyun knew beomgyu was more of an acoustic player but ever since he joined the band, the older boy has been playing electric more. and it’s not that taehyun hated it, but he was absolutely enamored by the way his hyung played acoustic. it was just something new to taehyun.

“hyung...” taehyun pokes beomgyu’s side trying to get his attention.

beomgyu’s just continues to play his electric guitar and drowns out in the silence of the noise of his string playing together.

“hyunggg... helloo, i’m trying to talk to you...” the younger boy groans, hardly even hearing himself as he has to shout over beomgyu’s loud guitar.

beomgyu turns his head for a split second but ignores taehyun, returning to strumming his string.

“hyung, do you hearrr meee?” taehyun pleads, but beomgyu is too focused on trying to play this song right that he hardly has any time to respond to his clingy best friend.

“fucking christ, taehyun! what do you want? god, you literally have no patience, can’t you tell i’m trying to do something!” beomgyu explodes and raises his voice at taehyun, who is then startled by the sudden outburst.

taehyun blinks at him in disbelief of his best friend’s actions.

“o-oh... i’m sorry...” taehyun expresses his regret after swallowing the large lump forming in his throat.

he has no idea how to respond to his hyung’s sudden reaction. his best friend hardly yells at him, and hardly ever curses in anger at taehyun, so when he does both of those things, taehyun is greatly taken aback.

“can’t you see i’m trying to focus on something! i can’t mess this up because this is only our second gig that we’re having next week so i have to practice. i was telling you stories earlier, but when you see that i’m focused, you have to leave me be! you can’t be fucking clingy all the time,” beomgyu’s spites the younger boy with a tone too venomous for taehyun.

“i-i’m sorry, hyung. i didn’t mean to b-bother you,” taehyun stutters, all shaken up. “i just wanted to talk, but if i’m bothering you, i could go home and leave you be. i didn’t mean to be clingy, i’m sorry.” taehyun packs up his backpack and is ready to throw it over his shoulder.

“i didn’t say for you to go home. i just said to stop being clingy because it’s getting annoying.” he sucks in his teeth, trying to suppress his anger at taehyun.

taehyun can sense that beomgyu is stressed about something other than taehyun. he wouldn’t just lash out on taehyun like this with no reason. there’s obviously something bothering him.

“okay... and i said that i’m sorry for being clingy. i’ll try not to be too clingy anymore, i’m sorry. but i can tell that you’re trying to focus, hyung. so if you need me to go home and give you some space i could do that,” taehyun sinks his teeth into his lower lip to stop himself from crying. he has no clue as to why he feels like crying.

“just— you can take a nap on my bed or something. i didn’t mean to yell at you like that, okay? i’m just stressed with the gig next week and i haven’t practiced and you were just being super fucking clingy so i’m sorry if i raised my voice at you,” beomgyu’s tone simmers down a bit as he lies his guitar gently down onto the floor.

“whatever you were going to say, was it important?” he asks in an exhausted tone, and taehyun senses that he probably doesn’t want to be a part of the conversation right now.

“no, not important at all,” taehyun scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment as he repeats the question in his head. “i-i was just going to a-ask you to why you never play acoustic anymore... and if you could play it for me anytime soon. cause i always hear you play electric, and i love it hyung but yeah i just miss when you’d play acoustic. ever since you’ve been playing electric, you’ve been nothing but stressed and i don’t like seeing you that way, but yeah it’s stupid, i’m sorry.”

once taehyun realizes how useless his comment was, he immediately understands why beomgyu lashed out on him the way that he did. his thought was stupid, and he shouldn’t have nagged at his best friend in the first place.

“sorry, that was stupid. i’ll head home now.” taehyun walks to the door, avoiding to turn back. “text me, hyung. i’m sorry.”

as taehyun is about to step foot outside of his best friend’s room, he hears beomgyu speak up just as he’s about to leave.

“i don’t even like playing this stupid fucking thing sometimes,” beomgyu lets out very lowly as taehyun is near the exit of his door.

taehyun stops in his tracks.

he takes a second before turning around, looking into beomgyu’s eyes that are veiny red all over.

“so, why do you?” taehyun questions, walking away from the beomgyu’s door.

“i don’t know,” he shrugs, leaning back on his bed so that he is fully sprawled onto his sheets. “areum says she loves it when i play and she was even the one who helped me get into the band.” he sighs, cupping his face in annoyance.

“so... you’re telling me that you’re only playing it because of a girl?” taehyun raises his eyebrows in a mocking manner which seems to anger beomgyu a bit.

“y’know what, if you’re just going to pick a fights with me, then yeah go home cause i don’t have time for this.” beomgyu speaks with rancor, turning his back to taehyun.

“i’m not trying to pick a fight, are you serious?” taehyun walks closer to be in beomgyu’s sight since he was avoiding the younger boy’s gaze. “i’m saying that you shouldn’t have to change stuff to get her attention. it’s stupid. and i can see that you’re stressed out when playing this because i do know it’s a change of style for you. i didn’t mean to offend you, hyung.” he softens out his tone at the end to show that he wasn’t starting an argument.

“i know, taehyun. but this time i think i really like her. in all seriousness, i do feel like this is the first time i’ve been so enamored by someone, okay? and i have a feeling you don’t understand the way i feel at all. so can you just let me be?”

once again, taehyun feels like his heart is being poked by a million needles all over again.

he knew that his best friend had been gushing over her, but hearing it out loud and gaining the confirmation that his assumptions were indeed true just hurt a tad bit more than it was supposed to.

_so his best friend wasn’t gay._

_bummer._

“i like you... is that not enough?”

beomgyu squints his eyes at taehyun as if he had just said something absurd.

“no! are you kidding me? you’re my best friend, and i appreciate you tae, i really do. but it’s different whenfeelings are real.”

“so do you not think mine are real for you?”

“no.”

✶

taehyun slowly begins feeling distant with beomgyu within that week. on the rides home, he would find beomgyu smiling down at his phone as he texts who he assumes to be areum. usually beomgyu would carry a conversation and ask taehyun about how his day has been, but instead they would sit in silence until they’ve arrived at their destination.

taehyun has also been declining beomgyu’s offers to stay at his house after school for study dates. usually, the younger boy would be beyond thrilled to spend extra hours with his hyung, though he quickly declines and comes up with some lame excuse that beomgyu tilts his head at, but doesn’t force any further. it didn’t seem to be a problem to beomgyu either, judging by the fact that once taehyun declined, he would phone areum to see if she wanted to have a study date instead.

on top of that, taehyun has been less affectionate towards beomgyu as well, leaving the older boy befuddled.

he tried his best to resist being clingy, knowing it made the older boy uncomfortable. usually on walks, he’d link his arms around beomgyu’s, but he has to resist to do that, finding trouble in doing so. he also no longer cuddles his hyung when they’re chilling in either one of their bedroom. he is sure to leave at least a foot or two of space between them when they are sleeping.

“hey, you’ve been super off lately? you okay?” beomgyu rests his chin on taehyun’s shoulder from behind, wrapping his arms around the younger boy’s torso.

“yeah, m’fine...” taehyun responds, too focused on his homework to tear his eyes away from the math equation he’s been trying to tackle for the past fifteen minutes.

“i don’t know, you been super distant. you hardly ever want to come over my house anymore or when we’re lying in bed, you’re so far from me and even deny cuddles. if something’s bothering you, you can tell me.”

“seriously. nothing’s bothering me, hyung. i’m just doing what you wanted,” he shrugs, dropping his pencil and abandoning the math equation he’s been struggling with.

“and that is?”

“to stop being clingy. you said it was annoying and i don’t want to make you uncomfortable so i’m giving you space.” he explains in a smart ass tone and beomgyu is almost hurt by what he says.

“no, is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” his voice raises two octaves higher, holding the same tone you would when speaking to a child. “you know i wasn’t serious, right? i was just upset and said impulsive shit. i love when youre clingy. it felt so off when you wouldn’t hold onto my arm when we walked on the street, or when you cuddled your pillow instead of me. you haven’t been yourself with me lately, and that’s my fault for saying impulsive shit i didn’t mean. i’m sorry taehyun, i wish you would have told me...”

taehyun suddenly feels a pit in his stomach.

“o-oh... i’m sorry. i just thought it was what you wanted.”

“never.”

and from then on, taehyun knew he was in deep shit.

because he definitely should not be feeling butterflies in his stomach.

at all.

✶

as the first month on school went by, taehyun already knew the drill after school.

he’d get picked up by beomgyu who hardly even batted him an eye due to his attention being all on areum. at this point, the younger boy felt like a third wheel between the two. he was watching his best friend drool over a girl who was playing hard to get.

but today, he was especially excited due to the fact that it was a friday meaning him and his hyung would be heading to the arcades today. it was all fun until he realized how heavy the rain was pouring when just a few hours ago the sun was out and bright, shining and blinding his eyes. and not even eight hours later, a huge downpour of rain comes over the city.

he trusts beomgyu will bring him an umbrella, though for now he takes comfort under the bus stop to use as a roof over his head in hopes of not getting wet from the rain droplets.

when each of his classmates begin hopping on busses or getting picked up by their parents, he begins to grow a bit worried when his beomgyu-hyung hasn’t come yet to fetch him.

he waits another ten minutes, thinking the rain might have caused some traffic for the busses so he sits under the bus stop and watches the student clear off on campus until he is the only one left.

as twenty minutes have gone by, taehyun is the only student on campus waiting for his ride, and the same bus had gone by a total of two times already, though he refuses to get on without beomgyu.

pulling out his phone worried that something must have happened to his best friend, he hastily texts beomgyu in hopes of the older boy answering.

 **taehyun**   
_hyunggg i’m here at the bus stop and i’m the only one here so pls text me if you’re okay. just want to know because you haven’t gotten me yet. if the rain is too heavy for you to come just text me so i can leave on my own. the rain is getting heavier. if you don’t respond in ten minutes i’m just gonna head home. can’t risk getting sick. stay safe x_

taehyun convinces himself that beomgyu’s phone just died and the rain has held up some traffic which caused beomgyu to arrive later than schedule. so within those ten minutes, he prays that beomgyu will respond to his text, or better yet, will come out of one of those busses.

but he doesn’t.

so taehyun gets drenched in the rain and goes home by himself.

✶

when taehyun gets off the bus, he has to apologize to the bus driver for making one of his seats wet. to which the bus driver then in turn declines his apology and tells him to go home and take a warm shower right away. his heart grew warm just a little by the kind words of the old man.

hopping off the bus, the boy was drenched and freezing, teeth clattering against each other unable to refrain from shaking.

_how could his beomgyu-hyung forget about him?_

stomping to beomgyu’s house, feelings his shoes sink into the wet dirt of his front lawn, he glares at his best friend’s house when he sees that beomgyu’s bedroom lights are on from outside.

knowing that beomgyu’s parents would not be home until later, he takes this as an opportunity to see what his best friend is doing in his room instead of picking him up from school and leaving him on his own.

taking out the spare key from his backpack that beomgyu’s mom gave him for emergencies, taehyun slips the keys into the hole and kicks his shoes off the second he gets the door open.

he’ll have to apologize to mama choi later for walking into her house fully drenched, though right now he had bigger and better things to worry about.

stomping up the stairs, still unable to prevent himself from shaking, he makes his way to beomgyu’s room and tries to ignore the pounding headache that he is beginning to feel. he already knows walking in the rain is about to make him really sick this week.

taking a deep sigh, he twists beomgyu’s door knob, pushing it open to expect beomgyu sleeping on his bed or practicing on his guitar, but what he sees is a million times worse than what he had envisioned on his way walking up the stairs.

in fact, it is probably the worst thing taehyun has ever seen with his eyes.

ever.

and for the third time, taehyun feels his heart breaking into a million pieces.

beomgyu was sat on his bed, and on his lap was areum straddling him, lips connected with beomgyu’s as her fingers are getting lost in the maze of the strands of his hair.

taehyun feels sick.

he doesn’t know if it’s because of the rain bringing up a fever on him or the sight right in front of him,but he’s definitely feeling sick.

“oh, s-sorry.” he lets out, frozen and unmoving.

“taehyun. fuck,” beomgyu’s curses, pushing areum off of his lap causing her to fly onto his bed as she attempts to straighten out her clothes, though it was far too late because taehyun had seen everything. “shit, i’m so sorry! i f-forgot to get y-you,” beomgyu stutters, shocked as he sees taehyun dripping wet.

“i’m gonna go.”

and as taehyun runs home, he repeats the words beomgyu had spoken to him just a couple of days prior.

and taehyun’s heart breaks all over again as beomgyu’s words circle his mind.

_“it’s different when feelings are real.”_

_“so do you not think mine are real for you?”_

_no.”_

* * *

beomgyu-16   
taehyun-15 

4.

(2017)

taehyun was now in high school.

the separation anxiety he had with his best friend was not exactly going away though. they are now attending the same high school, but he had no classes with his hyung so they’d only see each other during breaks or free periods, but it was better than nothing.

he later learns that his best friend was indeed extremely popular in his high school. he knew his hyung was well known, but even the upper class men are fond of the boy.

beomgyu also made sure that his friends treated taehyun kindly and always made sure to include him in their conversations. it was better than taehyun’s draining middle school life. he finally has something to look forward to. he had a nice set of friends and a pretty okay social life, thanks to the help of his beomgyu-hyung.

but when everything started going right for taehyun, things began going wrong for beomgyu.

it’s as if the universe was purposefully trying to give them a hard time.

beomgyu was absolutely losing it.

his band had just lost three gigs for the next upcoming month and to top it off, taehyun went to visit beomgyu in his room, finding him crying at the corner of his bed because of areum.

him and areum had broken up.

as relieving as that is for taehyun to hear, the younger boy can’t seem to jolt out happiness when his best friend was in front of him spouting numerous tears.

of course, to taehyun it hurt to see beomgyu and areum together, because he was sure that the moment beomgyu stepped into his life, he wanted to give him everything. he hates seeing beomgyu with somebody else. but he wasn’t going to get off on the relief of beomgyu being single just to have him all to himself.

it was selfish.

all he wanted to do was see his hyung happy.

even if it wasn’t with him.

but seeing him cry until he gasped for air was the most heartbreaking thing taehyun could ever witness. his cries were drowning out the sound of the neighborhood noise made by the little kids outside. his sobs almost felt like a squeeze to taehyun’s heart. he’s never seen his best friend in so much pain, and there was no way he could understand what beomgyu was feeling. he’s never been in a relationship, or gone through a breakup.

but he is very familiar with heartbreak.

“oh, beomgyu-hyung. i’m so sorry, love. come here.” taehyun leans against the bedframe, and beomgyu lies his head on taehyun’s lap crying as he keeps his eyes locked on the ceiling. taehyun cups his cheeks and uses his thumbs to swipe away the tears that are endlessly flowing.

“f-fuck... what did i do w-wrong,” he breaks down, reaching for taehyun’s hand to squeeze and taehyun is running his fingers through beomgyu’s hair who seems to be leaning into the touch.

“hyung, listen to me...” taehyun cups the boys cheeks to focus beomgyu’s attention on him, despite the laying-down position. “you did nothing wrong, okay? you were an amazing fucking boyfriend to her and loved her endlessly. anyone would be lucky to have you. but sometimes people just fall out of love. and that’s what happened with her. and that’s just her fucking loss for letting you go because anyone would be stupid to do so.”

beomgyu’s crying comes to a halt at taehyun’s admission. he uses the heel of his palm to swipe the tears under his eyes before rising from taehyun’s lap and sitting in front of him to look him in the eyes.

they look at each other in silent.

“what did i do to deserve you, huh?” he laughs though cries at the same time. “y’know, let’s just date instead. you wouldn’t hurt me,” he jokingly says, shoving taehyun playfully.

taehyun is not too fond of the joke though.

taehyun attempts to smile through beomgyu’s humor but there were too many things wrong with what he had just said.

“h-hyung, you cant joke like that...” he scratches the back of his neck, afraid of where this conversation was going to go.

“why not?” the older boy furrows his eyebrows and holds both of taehyun’s hand in his as a form of comfort. 

“because... you know how i feel about you.”

“taehyun, you don’t feel that way about me. so stop-”

“that’s literally fucking it, hyung!” he shouts, startling beomgyu’s “you can’t tell me what i can’t and can’t feel. you can’t tell me that i don’t have feelings for you because quite frankly, i fucking do. and i have for a whole fucking while now, but all you do is invalidate my feelings. and now you expect me to be okay with you making jokes about dating me? how do you expect me to be okay after that? it’s not funny, and you’re hurting me by saying that.” he chews on the inside of his jaw as a coping mechanism to not break down in front of his best friend, but he can only suppress his feelings so much until he can’t bottle it in no longer.

“tae... youre... you’re just confused, okay? you don’t even have experience with liking other people or relationships, so how do you know that’s what you feel? and i’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, love. i just don’t want you to think it’s something it’s not. and if you truly do feel like that’s what it is, then i’ll listen and you come tell me, okay?”

taehyun throws his head back in frustration.

“why do you think i have no experience in relationships, huh? because i’m in fucking love with you, you idiot! and i’ve been so sure for a while now. my heart breaks every time i had to see you with areum, but i loved seeing you happy. i loved seeing you smile every damn time and that’s all that mattered to me. and trust me hyung, i would stop feeling these feelings if i could, but i seriously fucking can’t. so you can’t tell me i’m confused.”

taehyun has to bury his face in his hands to conceal his cries because he was not about to be vulnerable with his feelings in front of beomgyu. his heart was breaking at beomgyu not even trying to understand his feelings and he had no idea how else to explain to his best friend that he was clearly in love with him and that he wasn’t confused.

he was never confused.

“look, i just feel like you’re too young to understand, okay?”

“literally, fuck you.”

“taehyun, listen. hey, i didn’t mean to-”

“nevermind. i don’t want to talk about it.”

✶

two weeks have gone by since taehyun and beomgyu’s argument, and the two have move past it.

just like they always do.

just like every single time taehyun tries to let his feelings known to beomgyu, they get over it and sweep it under the rug as if nothing has happened.

which is why he’s sitting in a cafe with his friend huening kai, trying to clear his mind.

“uh, do you really want to do this? because if not, i’ve got a couple of boys to hook you up with if you want to get over it. like yeonjun-hyung, seriously? what a fucking babe, dude.” the brunette boy peers his head out just a bit to steal a glance at the senior sitting in the booth behind them.

“can you shut up? god. i don’t want anyone.”

“false,” huening kai says sipping on his scorching coffee, before groaning in pain when he realizes he had drank it too fast causing it to burn his tongue. “yes you do. you want your best friend who doesn’t even want you.”

“swear to god bro, this is why soobin-hyung doesn’t like you. cause you’re an idiot,” he sticks his tongue out, poking at his pastry, barely even eating it.

“hey, you do not need to hurt my feelings, you jerk.” the younger boy pouts, furrowing his eyebrows and crossing his arms like a little five year old. “and i don’t understand why you keep chasing beomgyu-hyung when he keeps rejecting you. like dude, are you a masochist or something? cause shit dude i’d be hurt as fuck hurting myself over and over again.”

“fuck, man... i don’t know.” taehyun collapses his head onto the wooden table of the cafe. “i always try to tell him, hoping that the next time i say something he’ll finally listen to me instead of reject and invalidate my feelings. but i guess i want to hear it from him, that he doesn’t want this, y’know? because what if he’s just scared?”

huening kai nods his head and listens to him with his mouth agape. “yeah, i mean that could be a possibility, taehyunnie. maybe he’s just scared? but seriously bro, promise me you’ll stop hurting yourself with this beomgyu-hyung shit because i can’t stand seeing you like this.” the younger boy pleads, his doe-like eyes pouting at taehyun.

“i know, i will. i just— i don’t know, i need some closure. because i’d rather get hurt in the end than not know what could have happened.”

“so what are you going to do? you’re going to ask him? or what? fucking confess and shit? because you’ve tried that so many times,” he tilts his head at any other ideas taehyun seems to be having because he is behind lost at what else the older boy had to offer.

“i don’t know? what do people fucking do nowadays? i was thinking maybe just bringing him flowers and i just wanted to talk about it more and how i feel about him. because he’s not understanding me, huening kai. i don’t know if i should like bring him somewhere and all?” taehyun shakes his leg under the table, growing anxious at the set of events he’s planning in his head.

“yeah, that’s cute! i mean the flowers is definitely a must. and you guys can talk about how you feel about him. and hyung, do not let him interrupt you, okay? do not let him tell you what you feel. because these are your own feelings. and if you think taking him out somewhere is something too big, why don’t you do one of those cute these where you decorate your room with those cute little fairy lights and make those little fort thingys while you guys watch a movie.” he shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee as if he hadn’t just given taehyun the most brilliant idea ever.

taehyun begins to think huening kai was cupid in his past life.

“you fucking genius. you sure you haven’t been in a relationship before? because where the fuck are you getting all these ideas from?”

“oh trust me, i’m a virgin with relationships,” he smirks, and taehyun chuckles at his way of words. “but i have two sisters who love watching romantic movies, and they have boyfriends who want to plan them cute dates but they have to go through it with me first, y’know? so i just have a bunch of ideas up here.” he cockily points to his head.

“you know, you may be super fucking annoying at times, but my life would be so dull without you.” taehyun expresses his gratitude to the boy sitting in front of him, who then in turn returns taehyun with a jokingly flirty wink.

“aw, taehyunnie. you’re so sweet. but save those gushy words for beomgyu-hyung.”

✶

taehyun later realizes that this would be more work than he expected.

he spent his week developing pictures of him and his best friend, so that he could stick it up on his walls all over his room. he printed pictures from when they first met in the sandbox, to the last picture they took together just a week ago.

there were a lot of pictures to hang around the room.

and to top it off, the fairy lights weren’t too easy to hang either. which is why he needed to call his (tall) friend, huening kai, to help and assist taehyun to hang the fairy lights around the perimeter of his room.

throughout the whole week, huening kai and taehyun have been getting taehyun’s room decorated to get ready for the big day when taehyun finally decides to tell beomgyu his feelings.

he wasn’t confused.

he loves beomgyu.

and there were instances in where taehyun had to blow his plans with beomgyu this week because he just needed to make his room look as comforting and magical as possible for his hyung.

he wanted it to be perfect.

“loser, pass me the tape and stop looking at those pictures of you and beomgyu-hyung, god.” huening kai snaps taehyun out of his gaze from the photo in his hand.

taehyun grabs scotch tape and hands it to the boy on the ladder who is working on hanging the fairy lights properly, since taehyun had failed to do so the first five times.

“you’re so fucking bossy, geez.”

“whatever, short ass. i wouldn’t be up here if your ass wasn’t so short even with the ladder,” he sticks his tongue out while struggling to tape the fairy lights to the perimeters of taehyun’s bedroom. “but y’know what? this is cute taehyunnie. i wish i had someone that would be this in love with me. i promise you, he’ll love this.” the younger boy assures taehyun which seems to lessen his anxiety at the compliment.

right as taehyun is about to respond, they hear a knock on the door.

taehyun and huening kai look at each other with wide eyes.

“fuck, who is it?” huening kai panics, hopping off the ladder.

“taehyunnnnn! open up, i know you’re in there. are you mad at me? youve been ignoring my texts and blowing our plans.” he hears beomgyu’s voice from the other side of the wall and he and huening kai immediately go into panic mode.

beomgyu cant be seeing taehyun’s room right now.

it’ll ruin everything.

it was true though. taehyun hadn’t been responding to beomgyu’s texts this whole week, and had already blown off their plans more than twice. but that was only because he wanted his confession to his hyung to be perfect, and if that meant limiting time with him, then so be it.

“get the door, idiot. say i’m busy.” taehyun whisper-yells to huening kai who then in turn rushes to the door before taking a deep breath.

huening kai opens the door as thin as the strand of a hair to protect taehyun’s bedroomfrom being seen any further.

“taehyun i swear to god you had me worried as fu— oh? huening kai? hey... can i talk to taehyun really quick?”

“um, sure...” he nervously chuckles and taehyun wants to flick him on the forehead for not being able to stall for more than a second.

taehyun walks to the door, smacking huening kai’s bum on the way out as a way to scold him for not being able to distract beomgyu.

as he exits his door, he shuts it tightly behind him to make sure beomgyu’s doesn’t get a peep of anything behind the door. he sees his best friend in his pajamas wearing a hoodie, and he can’t ignore the way there are dark circles under his eyes, almost equivalent to the color purple.

“hey...” taehyun nervously trails off.

“is this why you’ve been blowing me off? are you and huening kai a thing now?” beomgyu exclaims, wearing the brightest smile.

“no, i-”

“taehyun that’s great! i’m so happy for you. but you could have at least texted me or something. i was getting worried that you were upset with me. but this is amazing!” he pulls taehyun in for a hug and squeezes him the tightest that he can.

“hyung-“

“im so happy for you. see, i told you that you were probably just confused and unsure about your feelings with me. this is amazing.” beomgyu smiles with his mouth, but taehyun reads something different in his eyes.

they weren’t saying the same.

“um... listen hyung. i love you and all but i’m really busy, so can you come over tomorrow night please? it’s something really important.” he pleads, trying his best to shoo away his best friend even if he feels bad doing so.

“ooohh. _busy_ huhhh?” he smirks, indicating something sexual and taehyun is quick to shut down his assumptions.

“gross, no. get ouuutt...” he attempts to shove beomgyu out of the way. “but please, be here tomorrow night. it’s important.”

“i will.”

“okay. stay safe, hyung. i love you.”

“i love you taehyunniee,” his sing-songs on his way down the stairs, bidding his goodbyes to taehyun’s mom in the kitchen.

once he sees beomgyu disappear from his line of sight, he opens the door to his bedroom and shuts it tightly, resting his back against it before releasing a loud sigh.

“soooo... how’d it go?” huening kai says, beginning to build the fort.

“he thinks you and i are dating.”

“oh fuck.”

✶

taehyun and huening kai spend all night and the next afternoon finalizing any decorations and details that need to be tweaked. they made at least three runs back and forth to the convenience store to pick up snacks and food, and at least one run to a nearby chicken restaurant because huening kai had been complaining about being hungry and getting cranky.

and with one sleepless night, they have finished turning taehyun’s room into a beautiful date night room, and it looked amazing.

“we did good, hyung.” huening kai steps back to get one last look around taehyun’s room. “he’ll love it. now go text him!”

“okay, okay. thank you hyuka, seriously. you can sleep in the guest room. eomma prepared blankets for you and if you get hungry, she cooked some food before going to bed.” taehyun offers, pushing him out of his bedroom.

“okay. thank you, taehyunnie. and uh... if something uh happens tonight. just... don’t be too loud, okay?” he grins cockily, and taehyun has to shove him to get his mind out of the gutter.

“you’re disgusting. none of that.”

pulling out his phone, taehyun pulls up the message app and texts his best friend.

**taehyun**  
_hyunggg could you come over and spend the night? i have something really important i wanted to tell you_

**soulmate 🌙**  
_heyy of course!! funny, i was just going to text you and head over to your house anyways. i have something to tell you too. i left my key at home, could you come down in like two minutes to get me?_

**taehyun**  
_yuppp i’m coming down rnn_

taehyun doesn’t know why he grows a bit more nervous when he finds out beomgyu has something to say to him as well. what could it be? does he have anything to say as well? is he also going to confess?

opening his door, beomgyu is grinning so wide it immediately makes taehyun smile.

“hey, what is it! i was going to go to your house anyways and was already on the way but what did you need to tell me that was so important?” he grins, scrunching his nose as if there’s something he needs to get off his chest.

“um... you first.” he nervously trails.

“okay, fine!” beomgyu exclaims. “i have great news, taehyunnie!”

“oh, what is it?”

“remember that kid, dohyeon from our music lessons?” beomgyu asks with a big smile on his face, rocking on his toes and heels unable to keep the secret any longer.

taehyun’s heart drops at the mention of his name.

this isn’t going where he envisioned.

“uh, yeah...”

“well, i have a date with him tomorrow! i just got back from his house!” he shrieks, jumping up and down and it takes a second for taehyun to react before he masks on a smile and celebrates with beomgyu.

“w-wait, hyung. y-you’re gay?” taehyun chokes on his words, quite literally, coughing as he finishes his sentences.

“i mean, i’m figuring it out i guess? i didn’t want to bring it up to you because i didn’t think it’d be a big deal, but i guess being with dohyeon will confirm my curiosities.”

“oh, well i’m so proud of you! and i-i’m so h-happy. this is great.” he pulls in beomgyu for a hug, sinking his head into beomgyu’s shoulder.

“what was it that you needed to tell me?” beomgyu’s bats his eyelashes, excited at whatever taehyun has to say.

“o-oh, nothing... i just wanted to tell you that eomma cooked your favorite.” he shrugs, swallowing yet another lump in his throat.

“oh, that’s amazing! but is it cool if you just pack me some for home? cause i don’t think i can stay the night. i promised dohyeon i’d facetime him tonight so...”

“oh yeah, that’s f-fine. i’ll send it over in an hour.”

“alright, i’ll head home now. and text me, okay?”

“i will, hyung. i’m so happy for you.”

“thank you, taehyun.” beomgyu smiles at him beige walking into his house and taehyun doesn’t enter his house until he sees that his best friend had gotten into his house safely.

entering his house, he sees huening kai looking at him with eyes full of regret.

“hey, sorry if this upsets you but i was watching from the window. i heard what happened. i’m so sorry.”

“so am i.”

and so later that night, taehyun spends his night tangled up with huening kai inside the fort instead.

* * *

beomgyu-19  
taehyun-18 

5.

(2019)

the day that taehyun had been dreading has finally come.

his hyung was finally leaving him and going to college.

ever since beomgyu left taehyun for the first time in middle school, he dreaded the day where his hyung would move to another city without him. he avoided thinking about it and despite it being inevitable, he did his best to try to avoid the thought.

but today, he was finally leaving.

and taehyun knows he’s being completely dramatic, because beomgyu’s university is only going to be a forty five minute drive away from his house. and he had just gotten his drivers license so it wasn’t a complete inconvenience. but the thought of going home and not walking with beomgyu didn’t sit right with him. at all.

taehyun and beomgyu have already decided the college they were going to since they were in middle school. they’ve planned their majors and how they were going to decorate their dorms together when taehyun finally moves in. and it’s surreal that their middle school dreams are slowly becoming a reality. just one problem, and that was beomgyu would be doing it without taehyun for the first year.

taehyun scans around beomgyu’s semi-empty room, on the verge of tears as he’s about to cry seeing beomgyu’sonce bright room so empty. it was the same room they had their first fight in, the same room where taehyun sung in front of beomgyu for the first time, the same room where they had their movie nights in, and the room where their memories were made.

“i’ll wait for you, yeah?” beomgyu whispers, voice breaking at seeing taehyun breaking down.

“god, you’re always leaving me,” he laughs while crystal tears are falling out of his dark brown eyes. usually, they have that glimmer in them but not today. today was not a happy day.

“hey, that’s not true. i never leave you behind. you’re being dramatic again, love. it’s a forty five minute drive away. maybe even a thirty five with the way you drive. youll always have me, okay. don’t cry.” he swallows, tears welling up at the corners of his eyes as well. he wears a glum look, and taehyun can sense that he is not the only one severely upset with the situation at hand.

“you promise me you’re going to stay safe? and not take stupid drugs and over-drink at those college parties? and call me every night or every other night? because i don’t think i’m ready to live a life where i can’t just go next door when i want to see you.” he wraps his arms around beomgyu’s waist, taking one last look around his best friend’s dull looking room.

“i promise. i wont ever do drugs, and i don’t even drink that much. i promise i’ll call you every night to wish you goodnight. and i promise i’ll wait for you. we’ve planned this our whole lives. next year, we’re going to share our dorm together and we’ll be seeing each other every second of the day that you’ll be sick and tired of me. we’ll finally live together. but for now, i’ll wait for you, okay? you’re gonna graduate valedictorian of your class, and as soon as possible, you’re going to pack your shit and live with me, okay?” he chuckles, wrapping an arm around taehyun’s waist.

“hey, you ready?” dohyeon clears his throat, leaning against the doorway as a way to signify that the car was ready for beomgyu to go.

“yeah...”

the three of them make their way down into beomgyu’s driveway and taehyun takes a look at dohyeon’s car packed with all of beomgyu’s clothes and furniture. it all seemed so surreal that beomgyu was finally going off to college with his boyfriend and was going to be living his own separate life that taehyun won’t be getting to see most of for the next year or so.

dohyeon holds the door open for beomgyu who then purses his lips and is humorous enough to throw taehyun a kissy face.

“don’t cry, you big baby. it’s a forty minute drive, remember? and i’m going to force you to visit me every saturday so don’t even think about crying right now,” beomgyu scolds him pointing an accusatory finger at the crying boy.

“o-okay... fine,” taehyun tries his best to bite on his tongue to refrain himself from crying.

he was too attached to beomgyu.

dohyeon hops into the driver seat and beomgyu sticks his head out the window to look at taehyun.

he doesn’t say goodbye.

“stay safe. i love you.” taehyun whispers, loud enough for beomgyu to hear.

“i love you. have fun on your last year of high school.”

✶

“so, are you gonna let me copy your homework or what?” huening kai groans, burying his head in taehyun’s pillow as he tackles his math homework, upset at taehyun for not helping him.

“uh. yeah, yeah. go get it. it’s in my binder, i did it on friday. that’s why i don’t wait till last minute on sunday nights to do it because i’ll end up like you.” he keeps his eyes glued on his computer screen, waiting for beomgyu to accept his facetime call though it just keeps failing.

“what are you doing anyways?” huening kai squints his eyes at taehyun’s screen as he’s pulling taehyun’s math homework from his bag to copy from.

“trying to call beomgyu-hyung, but he’s not answering.”

“uh oh....” huening kai says in a suspicious tone, raising his eyebrows and pressing out his lips.

“fuck you mean, uh oh?” taehyun bites back, not having any of the younger’s antics.

“seems like he’s forgotten about youuu since he’s all over his boyfriend noowww.” he teases, copying taehyun’s math homework.

taehyun knows he’s just teasing but a part of it did hurt because it genuinely did sound true, whether it was in huening kai’s intentions or not.

“wait. i was just joking, taehyun. sorry if what i said was a little insensitive. i say stupid shit all the time but i’m sure he’s just slumped with college work. i mean, it is his first year and all.” huening kai immediately apologizes when he realizes his insensitive comment.

“no, it’s okay. you said nothing wrong, don’t worry, hyuka. i know you were joking,” he flashes the stressed boy a smile, who calms down at the admission.

taehyun’s laptop rings.

Incoming Call from soulmate 🌙

beomgyu hyung, hiiii!” he excitedly says, seeing his best friend through the screen.

“hey, sorry i was a little late today. i stayed a little late at the library today to tackle some homework. i’m kinda drained.” he sighs, exhausted from the work.

taehyun hates how worn out he looks. the mess of hair sitting on his head was evidence that he was drained, and on top of that, the bags under his eyes were a mix of bright red and purple.

“that’s, okay. how is college treating you hyung?” he leans in closer to get a better look at beomgyu.

“kicking my fucking ass.” he sighs, burying his head into his study desk. “how about you? how’s your last year treating you, huh? it’s sunday. did you do your homework?”

“i’m doing fine. and yes i did my homework on friday night. huening on the other hand is doing it last minute and is over so he’s tackling his homework right now,” he giggles, shifting the angle of the laptop so that it was facing huening kai.

huening kai smiles and turns his body to get a better look at the laptop, “hi beomgyu-hyungie! we miss you!”

“agh, i miss you too, you little rascal! what are you doing?” beomgyu leans closer and squints in attempts to get a better glimpse on the younger boy.

“oh! i’m copying taehyunnie’s math homework!” he giggles as if it’s nothing and beomgyu suddenly errupts into fits of laughters.

it was music to taehyun’s ears.

“oh... uh, hehe well i mean... gotta do anything to pass right? i’m proud of you.” the oldest boy nervously chuckles at huening kai’s antics.

just as taehyun is about to make some witty comment about huening kai, something in the background of beomgyu’s dorm distracts him.

he spots a shirtless man walking around with jist a pair of sweats around his waist. beomgyu seems to notice the man in frame so he shifts the laptop a bit to the left to avoid him being in the frame any longer.

“h-hyung.. where are y-you? who’s that?” taehyun is now only inches away from his laptop screen, squinting the best he can as he tries to scrutinize the moving object, which was definitely a man in the background.

“o-oh.. it’s no one.” he chuckles nervously, shifting the laptop even more to the side.

“who are you talking to, babe?” a deep voice comes from behind the camera, and none other than dohyeon walks into the frame, bending down to try to see who beomgyu was on the phone with.

“oh. just taehyun,” he shrugs, adjusting the camera to show dohyeon, whom taehyun very much did not want to see.

“oh, hey dohyeon-ah... what are you doing in beomgyu-hyungie’s dorm?” taehyun tilts his head, irritated at the fact that the boy was walking shirtless around beomgyu’s dorm.

beomgyu suddenly grows pale at the question.

“oh... uh, you didn’t tell him, baby?” dohyeon scrunches his nose at beomgyu.

“babe- dont,” beomgyu tries to stop dohyeon, but taehyun is already far too curious about what the two seem to be hiding.

“t-tell me what?”

“uh, beomgyu actually lives in my apartment with me. he’s not in one of the dorms.” dohyeon smiles, hugging beomgyu from behind while resting his chin on top of the boy’s head.

“w-what? hyung, why didn’t you t-tell me?” taehyun questions beomgyu, unaware why he feels like he’s on the edge of tears.

“i don’t know, i didn’t know how to.” he slumps in his chair, and taehyun can see huening kai from the corner of his eyes moving towards him for support. “plus it’s an easier way to save money for staying in the dorms, since were dorming together next year anyways.”

“you could have just told me. i wouldn’t have told your mother or anything. you didn’t have to hide it from me.” he says in a low tone, obviously disappointed in his best friend for keeping something from him.

“i’m sorry, taehyun.”

“it’s okay, don’t worry.” he responds, eyes unable to find it’s way to the screen with dohyeon’s arms around beomgyu’s body. “but listen, i have to help hyuka with his homework so i’ll get going now, okay? i’ll call you tomorrow.”

beomgyu tilts his head, confused, “b-but isn’t he just copying your homework though?”

“yeah, but i still need to teach him because we have a test next week and he’ll need to know some of the material, so yeah... talk to you tomorrow, hyung?”

“yeah, of course.”

taehyun doesn’t call him tomorrow.

or the day after that.

✶

later that week, taehyun spent his friday night driving straight to beomgyu’s and dohyeon’s apartment. he spent the rest of the week debating whether he should actually pull through with coming or if he should just not visit. something about beomgyu not telling him about sharing an apartment with dohyeon just did not sit right with him. it wasn’t a big deal to taehyun, so why did beomgyu feel the need to hide it from him.

he rethought to himself a lot if visiting his hyung was a good idea. he even asked huening kai multiple times for his opinion, who then says to do whatever he wants. some part of him feels very intrusive for visiting his best friend and his boyfriend, but beomgyu insisted on him going saying that he very deeply missed taehyun anyways, and even went as far as making him stay the weekend.

it probably wasn’t a good idea for taehyun, judging by the fact that he’d have to be seeing his best friend be held but his boyfriend, but any extra hours with his best friend was just something unable to turn down.

it takes about four knocks on their apartment door to finally get an answer.

and when beomgyu swings the door open, taehyun does not expect to see what’s in front of him.

beomgyu is very disheveled, hair sitting messily on top of his head. but what stood out to taehyun the most was the fresh purpling hickeys decorated greatly around the boy’s neck.

he didn’t even try to hide it.

it’s like he wanted taehyun to see.

“taehyunnie! i missed you!” he lunges forward at taehyun, burrying his head in the crook of the younger boy’s neck.

“hyung, i missed you too.” he smiles back, kicking his shoes off as he’s still tightly in the hug that beomgyu is staying awfully long in.

“here, come in! i’ll show you my room. you’ll sleep in there tonight,” he drags taehyun’s hand through the apartment, leading him to a room.

except the room was extremely empty, lacking any characteristics of beomgyu, unlike his old room back home. beomgyu’s room had posters of his favorite band and his guitars hung up on the wall. his room back home screamed beomgyu. but this room was awfully plain and odd. the walls were painted white with no design anywhere whatsoever.

it was so dull.

“this is your room? why is it so empty, hyung?” taehyun tilts his head, dropping his bags.

“oh... it was supposed to be my room but dohyeon and i share one instead so we just made this a guest room.” he beams at the boy, who then attempts to remove the glum look on his face.

it shouldn’t be such a big deal that him and dohyeon are sharing beds every night. they’re boyfriends, of course they’re going to be sharing rooms.

“i’ll let you get cozy, but i’m just going to make a quick run to the convenience store, okay? i need to grab eggs because we ran out and a couple of snacks for the weekend. you take some time to settle in, did you want anything while i’m out?” he offers, grabbing his keys as he tugs his hoodie over his head.

“oh, i can do that for you, hyung. you go get some rest. i’ll take care of it.” he volunteers to run the quick little errands since his hyung looked far too tired to do anything else.

“look at you always taking care of me, are you sure? you’re not tired from the drive?” he raises his eyebrows, handing taehyun the house keys.

“yes, of course i’m sure. i was going to buy myself some snacks as well anyways. go get some rest.” he grabs the house keys from beomgyu and grabs a sweatshirt from his bag.

“thank you, taehyunnie. dohyeon will be home in a few but i’ll let him know you’re here. and the convenience store is literally next door. not that far of a walk so i’m sure you won’t get lost.” he affectionately thanks the younger boy who was so kind to offer such an action.

taehyun slips his shoes on and once he grabs his phone and the keys that beomgyu had given me, he heads out.

he is very unfamiliar with the place but beomgyu tells him that the convenience store is quite literally next to the apartment building so he shouldn’t have much trouble finding the store.

he hops on the elevator and presses the first floor to reach the lobby.

as he reaches the first floor, he can’t help but notice an oddly familiar looking man at the edge of the hallway, leaned up against the wall as he is sucking a woman’s face off.

as he walks a couple of feet closer and squints his eyes to get a closer look, he can tell that it’s dohyeon.

it’s definitely dohyeon.

afraid that his assumptions are wrong, he walks a bit closer and gets a better glimpse of the man just in case he is wrongly accusing him, but the twinkling bracelet on his left arm that beomgyu gave him is shining far too bright for taehyun to ignore. taehyun can remember the bracelet from anywhere. in fact, he helped beomgyu pick it out.

he was in deep shit.

_how the fuck was he supposed to tell his best friend that his boyfriend was cheating on him._

he grabs what he needs in the convenience store and locks himself in the guest room later that night.

✶

when it’s 2am and taehyun is furiously texting huening kai on how in the world he’s supposed to let his best friend know he’s being cheated on, he hears a gentle knock on the door.

“taehyun, you still awake?” beomgyu peaks his head in, clutching ryan to his chest.

“yeah, i’m up. why aren’t you asleep, hyung?” he sits up, locking his phone and abandoning his conversation with huening kai for a few minutes.

“dohyeon didnt come home tonight. he said he’s staying over at a friends so i had a lot of trouble going to sleep. do you think i can sleep here with you?” he quietly asks, inching his way towards taehyun’s foot of the bed.

taehyun sits up.

“yeah of course, come here,” he holds his hands out for beomgyu to come into.

_it was now or never, taehyun._

“listen, actually. i have to tell you something.” he scratches the back of his neck as a way to release his anxiousness.

“really?” he sits on the opposite side of taehyun on the bed. “what is it?”

“hyung, i’m about to tell you something important, but i’m not saying this to hurt you, okay? i just want to protect you and i never want to see you hurt.” he holds both of beomgyu’s hand, who then swallows at taehyun’s sudden words.

“taehyun, your scaring me. what’s wrong? you could never hurt me.”

taehyun tries to stall, but it was useless when he would have to let beomgyu know at some point so there was no point in beating around the bush.

“earlier when i was running errands to get the eggs..”

“uh huh..”

“i kind of saw dohyeon on the way there... and he uh— he was downstairs in the lobby kissing a girl.” he nervously says, fiddling with his fingers to ease the tension. “and i’m so sorry hyung that you needed to find out this way but i really wanted you to know. i want to protect you and-”

“w-what? no... how do you know it was him? plus what if it was just someone who looks like him, taehyun. you can’t be assuming shit like this,” beomgyu stands up from the bed so that he is no longer standing, and instead is towering over taehyun’s figure.

“hyung, he was wearing the bracelet you got him. i swear it was him. i promise you i wouldn’t lie about this.” he pleads, begging for beomgyu to believe him.

“would you though? because dohyeon would never fucking hurt me and i’ve already known you weren’t too fond of him ever since the second we met him,” he tugs at the tips of his hair out of frustration.

“i mean i’ll fucking admit that yes i am not too fond of him, but he’s literally fucking cheating on you and the first thing you do is accuse me of lying! are we fucking kidding? when have i ever lied to you, huh? i am telling you this to protect you so you dont get hurt. open your fucking eyes, hyung!” taehyun shouts and he is now standing up, leaving his position from the bed.

“why the fuck should i believe you? you’re the one who’s literally been chasing me and have fucking feelings for me, so if anything i should be questioning you! how do i know this is not one of your ways of trying to manipulate me!”

taehyun feels his heart lodge down to his stomach.

“w-what?” he stutters in disbelief. “y-you think i’m lying to manipulate you?” he swallows the lump in his throat.

“why fucking wouldn’t you! i fucking know that you’re in love with me! so how do i know you’re not trying to do this to ruin our relationship?” he screams, tears running down his face.

“i’m doing it because i know you don’t fucking loving me back! and because i want you to be happy in a relationship because that’s all that fucking matters to me. you’re happiness! even if that means sacrificing my own. and this asshole is out here kissing other girls while you’re at home waiting for him to arrive. i am trying to fucking protect you from getting hurt!” taehyun raises his voice loud enough to a scream, not even bothering to wipe the tears that are welling up in the corner of his eyes.

“do you know how many fucking times you’ve hurt me, beomgyu? how many heartbreaks you’ve given me? but i still go back to our friendship every single time because i care about you that much. i sacrifice my own happiness for yours! so how dare you fucking say that i’m lying about dohyeon for my own advantage. you really think i’d purposefully hurt you? that i’d purposefully try to make you feel pain? because if that’s really what you think then what the fuck were these twelve years of friendship for?”

taehyun finds himself tugging a sweatshirt over his head and hastily packing all of his things in the small bag that he brought with him.

“taehyun, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to-”

“yeah, i am too.”

* * *

Present Time

(2020)

beomgyu and taehyun havent talked for nine months.

taehyun ended up eventually getting accepted to the same college as beomgyu, and when beomgyu attempts to call him to arrange the dorm they were supposed to share, he never got a response back. instead, he spends his second year of university rooming with soobin, his friend from high school, and soobin’s boyfriend, yeonjun.

it wasn’t too bad rooming with a couple who were so desperately in love.

they had everything beomgyu wanted.

and to beomgyu’s regret, taehyun was right.

the week following their argument, beomgyu catches dohyeon in their own bed with a girl on top of him, naked. he packed his shit the next morning and searched for open rooms within the campus, to which he found his roommates, soobin and yeonjun.

beomgyu has attempted numerous times to call taehyun and even huening kai, but all he ever gets is the dial tone.

there were many times where beomgyu would run into taehyun on campus, but the boy would quickly storm away and turn the other direction.

they were strangers to each other now.

nine months of not speaking to his childhood best friend definitely felt like a knife to his heart. there were sleepless nights where beomgyu’s thumb would hover over his name, debating on whether or not he should call taehyun, though he was never strong enough to do so. there were days when he felt compelled enough to knock on every single dorm room on campus, just to figure out what dorm room taehyun was staying in.

but he was never strong enough to face taehyun. 

he looks down at his lock screen, it being a picture of him and taehyun sleeping together, tangled in each other’s arms the night before he had to leave for college. taehyun’s mother had taken it just hours before beomgyu’s departure, forwarding it both to the boys as soon as she snapped the picture.

“hey, kid. you okay?” yeonjun walks over to beomgyu whose eyes are glued onto his lock screen.

“yeah, i just miss him is all.” he sniffles, rubbing the single tear swimming down his left cheek.

“look, we hate seeing you this way. why don’t you visit him, have a little talk?” soobin comes to him once he noticed yeonjun comforting the youngest boy. “i’m friends with hyuka, i’m sure he’d be more than happy to give me his dorm number.”

“i don’t know if i’m ready for that. i fucked up so bad, hyung.” he chokes up, unable to look at his lock screen any longer.

“i’m pretty sure i love him.”

“then why didn’t you fucking say it back all those times he tried to tell you? you had everything right there in front of you, gyu. what else could you have asked for?” yeonjun chimes in, scolding him just a bit for letting such a perfect man go.

“i was fucking scared! i was scared that if we turned our friendship into a relationship, that it would ruin things. that it would affect us in the long run. so i thought that being friends was the easier way out.” he sniffles, unable to look any of his hyungs in the eyes.

“but look where that brought you now. you lost him, gyu.” soobin purses his lips together in regret.

“now, go get him back.”

✶

turns out, huening kai was indeed kind enough to give soobin taehyun’s dorm room number, who then passes the number onto beomgyu.

beomgyu had a bouquet flowers with him and rehearsed his lines over and over again in his room before heading over to taehyun’s dorm room. he’s never been this nervous in his life. he is more nervous than he was while opening his college admission letters, and that said a lot.

he can’t believe he’d be seeing taehyun in a few moments. he’s been craving his voice and touch for the nine months they spent apart, but it was his duty to get him back.

nervously standing in front of his door, he raises his hand and knocks on it. and before beomgyu could even think about running away, taehyun opens the door with his wide eyes.

he looks beautiful.

taehyun seems to have lost weight the past nine months, but beomgyu loves him either way. taehyun also had seem to gain more muscles and looks a bit more buff than the last time he saw him, and beomgyu is upset he didn’t get to see taehyun grow up into the college boy that he was. it was only nine months but to beomgyu it felt like an eternity.

taehyun was still as beautiful as beomgyu remembers.

“b-beomgyu... what are you doing here?” taehyun shuts the door behind him, and beomgyu tries to ignore the way that his heart is hurting at the way that the younger boy had removed honorifics from his name.

he tightly clutches the flowers behind his back to hide them from taehyun.

“i... i uh, missed you? and i wanted to apologize for a lot of things...” he bits his lip perturbed about the situation at hand.

“nine months? nine months and you choose to do it now, really?” he bitterly chuckles, crossing his arms while giving beomgyu the most intimidating stare.

“i know. and i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry for everything. i was selfish and i’ve hardly ever gotten any sleep without thinking of you. i was selfish and an asshole for saying those words to you, and it keeps me up at night.” he gnaws his bottom lip to give himself time to keep himself composed. “and you were right, dohyeon did cheat on me. i was just too blinded by the fake love he was showing me to believe any word you said, but i know that you were trying to protect me. you always are. you always sacrificed your feelings and happiness just so i could be happy. and taehyun, that was the most selfish thing i could have ever done to you, i’m sorry.”

beomgyu could see taehyun gnawing at his bottom lip as well, trying to conceal the tears that are threatening to fall out of his crystal eyes.

“and i’m sorry this took so long, but i am in love with you. i hated the fact that i kept hurting you over and over again, but i never wanted to move forward because i thought being in a relationship with you would ruin the great friendship we had. and i didn’t want to lose that. i thought that staying friends would protect what we had. but kang taehyun, i’m so in love with you, it seriously hurts. i love everything about you. i love how you’re so passionate about music, i love youre little dimples, i love you big eyes, i love you how always take care of me, and i love you. and god, i am so in love with you,” he cries, heart hurting at the confession that he doesn’t even care about the fact that he had dropped the flowers on the ground.

“hyung, fuck...” taehyun cries, throwing his head back in frustration. “fucking hell, beomgyu. you can’t do this to me right now. you can’t.” he weeps, frustrated at beomgyu for showing up at a wrong time. “you invalidate the feelings that i had for you for years on end and don’t speak to me for nine months, and you come back to me and say all this stuff. it doesn’t fucking work like that, hyung. it just doesn’t.”

“listen to me, i know. i know i’ve fucked up, but i don’t want to let you slip through my fingers again. i can make you happy.” beomgyu holds taehyun’s hands in his, and he feels a spark right away. he sees the whole universe in taehyun’s eyes and the feelings the boy is making him feel within the moment is beyond surreal.

“you can’t do this, beomgyu. you just can’t.”

“w-why not?”

beomgyu swallows.

“because i’m happy. i’m happy with a boyfriend who loves and cares for me, hyung. and you were never able to give me that. all you did was hurt me, and invalidate my feelings for you when i would try to get over you. huening kai makes me happy and has never once invalidate my feelings towards him. he never hurts me.” taehyun smiles at the thought of his first boyfriend being everything he’s wanted. but he’s immediately brought up by a wave of sadness when the boyfriend that he wanted first is crying in front of him.

“and i can’t just stand here and be okay with you coming back into my life. do you know how difficult it was for me to try and forget about you? and when i finally thought i had gotten over it, you come her and tell me you love me? how am i supposed to be okay after that. i’m need space from you, hyung. i’m sorry.”

as much as if hurts taehyun to say it, he does indeed need space away from beomgyu. it wasn’t fair to him that beomgyu just assumes he could come back into taehyun’s life and assumes everything would be okay. it wasn’t fair to his boyfriend who treated him well. he loves huening kai and didn’t want to lose him for the world.

huening kai gave taehyun everything beomgyu’s couldn’t.

“i’m sorry, taehyun. i love you.”

and for the first time, taehyun doesn’t say it back.

* * *

8 Years Later 

(2028) 

beomgyu is beaming with happiness. 

or so he forces himself to believe he is. 

he looks at how beautiful taehyun looks in his black suit, surrounded by the people he loves.

tapping his spoon against his tea cup, he makes a toast. 

“hi everyone,” he smiles as he stands up from his chair. “my name is choi beomgyu, and i’m taehyun’s best friend. i, uh— i have no words other than that i’m beyond happy that my best friend has finally found someone to give him the love that he deserves. as kids, taehyun and i were beyond inseparable, we were attached by the hip, but we did have our ups and downs. there was a period in my life where i thought i was going to lose taehyun, and it was one of the most scariest feelings ever. but as i’m stood here today, i wanted to say that his happiness is one of the most important things to me in the world. despite the ups and downs we’ve had, i know our bond will always be stronger than blood. i will always have a special place for you in my heart, and i can’t wait for you to spend the rest of your life with the person you love. i’m beyond happy that i get to stand here and watch you marry your soulmate.” he swallows a lump in his throat before it begins to get bigger. he decides now would be a perfect time to close up his little speech before he can’t take it anymore.

“so ladies and gentlemen, please join me in a toast to congratulate the newly weds, kang taehyun and huening kai.” 

the crowd erupts in a fit of cheers and taehyun and huening kai shoot him a loving smile. 

beomgyu leaves shortly after that. 

there’s a universe out there in which beomgyu and taehyun get their own happily ever after.

but not in this universe. 

history is all they are. 

**Author's Note:**

> now nowwww.... you guys have every right to yell at me hehe buttttt i’m sorry i just love writing angst!!!! 
> 
> please let me know what your thoughts were about this taegyu one shot! it is my first one shot so pls be kind and pls let me know if you’d like me to continue writing aus like these :) 
> 
> comment your thoughts and feel free to yell at me! i’d love to hear everyone’s feedback. 
> 
> thank you so much for reading <3
> 
> also, i just made a twt to interact w readers and just to join stan twt so pls feel free to follow 🥺 @/magichhour


End file.
